Sometimes I want to be this kind of hostess...

Life Lessons By Beth

When the weather is absolutely perfect, the first thing that I think of is the warm summer days and nights out on my family boat on the Mississippi river.  Growing up, I spent many hours sitting on the bow of the boat and enjoying all Mother Nature had to offer...

I casually mentioned this at dinner with my old Girl Scout troop last night, and my friend Beth immediately went to her favorite boat memory: Flirt Fest 1995.

The basic outline of the story is this: Two sixteen year old girls.  Five 18 year old boys that were friends with my brother.  Hormones. Parents are present, so harmless flirtation ensues.

It was probably the first time Beth had ever been flirted with by more than one person.  Five at a time?  It's like an epic tale of wonder.  Mention the boat to Beth, and she goes straight down memory lane to that day.

So here we are at dinner, 3 aging Girl Scouts and their mothers, and bell rings in Beth's brain when I mention the boat.  She grabs my should and starts laughing, "Do you remember Flirt Fest!?"

I joke with her, "You'll never let me forget it!"

And without hesitation, she guilelessly answers "How could I ever forget it?  It was the day I learned about the power of boobs."

And wouldn't you know?  I have photo evidence of this life lesson being learned:

Helicopter To The Throat!

Walking my dog today  I was assaulted by a seed.

A stiff wind... a brittle pod-wing twirling in the wind trying to find a place to take root... sounds charming, doesn't it?

No. This is not a fairy tale.

I'm pretty sure that a certain maple seed had envisioned itself as some sort of ninja throwing star.  That thing came hurling at me with INTENT.

I barely had time to comprehend the situation, my brain registering a golden blur in front of me when it slashed at my throat.

Startled, I could not even utter a scream, the stunning sting of the weapon silencing me and sending me into shock.

How could this have happened in my neighborhood?  What could motivate this seed to become a killer?  Why would the helicopter have chosen me, of all the people it encountered today?

I....really need to stop watching Investigation Discovery shows on Netflix.

Oh, The Craftsmanship

There really is very little I can say about this that would make it any more hilarious... I happened upon this because I am trying to get rid of some chain link panels from my back yard and this is what is next to my ad on Craigslist.

Available in 'western' or 'classic' looks, according to the ad, you have some options...(Is zebra stripes with nail heads considered classic or western???) "Designs are mounted on a new toilet seat or your design may be purchased separately and placed on your existing toilet seat to keep cost down."

There's even one with the charming quote "Git R Done".  How inviting!

P.B. Buns

I don't even remember why the subject came up or how it even slipped out at lunch with coworkers today, but there it was... something, something "like P.B. Buns".

It's crazy how (almost) 20 years later, little high school trivialities surface at the most random times - and today was one of the moments when I found myself reminiscing about a stupid nickname that had befallen a classmate of mine because he often chose to eat peanut butter on a dinner roll at lunch.

I'm fairly certain I was the one to coin the name P.B Buns, probably  in a quirky (and maybe just a tiny bit mean) comment to my friends in reference to the poor guy, and it just STUCK.  Never to his face, just within my little clique.  I'm sure P.B. Buns would be baffled as to why we would pick out that one thing to make fun of.  I'm a little unsure myself, other than I found it odd that he always spread the peanut butter ON TOP of the dinner roll, like a little brown mohawk instead of cutting the roll in half or even smearing the PB on the side of the plate to dip into.

I don't remember having any real problem or even that many thoughts about this guy at the time- I think my friends and I were just in love with saying "P.B. Buns".  There's just a certain ring to it that makes me giggle.

I kind of wish I could say it more often.

Ok, now I am just saying "P.B. Buns" out loud to myself over and over and giggling.  My dog, Ruby,  just gave me a look that was basically judgmental.

P.B. Buns.

UPDATE: I have no memory of his real name anymore.

UPDATE to the UPDATE: P.B. Buns.

Concentration

It seems like as you get older, you  start to recognize the family traits you posses - the positive ones, of course, but also the ones that you would prefer you didn't have.

Nothing is worse than realizing that the bird-like squawk you just made when you were surprised by a broom falling over sounds identical to the crow's caw your mother makes any time she drops something.  My sister and I used to tease her endlessly about that sound... looking at each other wide-eyed and asking, "Oh, is there a bird in the room?" Now I hear it come out of me unbidden and, most of the time, thank my stars my sister isn't there to hear it.

Some family traits know no bounds.  Today, as our Mother's day celebrations came to a close, my sister and I started talking about the "Look of Concentration" that we've all noticed each other doing.  My maternal grandfather did it really well, and my father does a pretty decent version as well.  So, if this look comes from both sides of my family tree, you know I do it times a million.

Imagine you have something you need to examine.  Perhaps a piece of paper with some scrawling handwriting that is just on the verge of being legible.  Hold that paper up and get a closer look.

If you are a member of my family, you probably look like this:

That's my Grandpa Andy. 

If you'd like to recreate this look, here's how you do it in six easy steps:

1. Stick out your chin.
2. Try to go slack with your lower jaw.
3. Pull up your upper lip and reveal your front teeth.
4. Scrunch up your nose
5. Close your eyes halfway
6. Hold it.

You probably feel really sexy right now.  Extra credit if you flare your nostrils.  

Now imagine that you do this whenever you are trying to understand something or trying to concentrate.  It probably happens to me at work 5+ times a day  - and I KNOW people are walking by my desk and witnessing it. 

How does one cope with that knowledge?  I personally take comfort in the fact that I have 4 other family members who can pull of this look winter, spring summer and fall.  Probably better than I can.  My sister commented that the best is when my dad and brother are side by side "concentrating" on something and wearing the same expression.

One day there will be evidence of me concentrating on something.  I just hope my sister is in the photo too.

Something New

3 weeks ago, my 8 year relationship ended. There... now that's out of the way.

I used to write a blog that centered around my relationship, and now, three weeks postmortem, I've decided that it's time to write about something else. As I thought about what kinds of activities and hobbies I wanted to throw myself into to cope through this change, creating a new blog seemed like the best place to start.

So then it became a question about "what" I will write about. What I liked best about writing my old blog was sharing things that made me feel happy or made me laugh.... and the idea that when other people read the blog, they laughed with me (or at me - no big difference!) - and that's a tradition I want to carry forward in this new blog. I also love the idea of keeping a thankfulness journal - but I am nowhere near dedicated enough to write in a journal every single day.

Focusing on the positive right now seems like the healthiest choice. So here it is. The idea behind the blog. 

Welcome to my inner satirist... sharing tidbits of fun that I may encounter, create or observe.